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What Matters Most?

In case anyone who reads my blogs has forgotten, I will remind you, I have been very sick for all of 2012. It's been a long road, with many tears being shed, plenty sleepless nights, countless anxious conversations with my GP and mother, who is a nurse, and such a variety of tests that it puts the wide selection of pick n mix in a cinema to shame.

When my illness began, I was after completing a pretty successful year personally. I had appeared on Dragons Den and received an investment for my new business. This then fell apart, but I got an even bigger investment pretty much straight away. By September we were up and running and in the final quarter of 2011 I had tied up alot of big sales for 2012, whilst also attracting some big name brands for promotions within that final quarter of 2011. It was all going to plan. Even in November I travelled to the UK and tied up a deal with a UK company to bring in a highly successful patented advertising product to Ireland where I would hold the sole licence. At the same time I was running my other advertising consultancy business and talks of a merger with another company were taking off. By Christmas I was tired and stressed, but excited about the year ahead. 2012 was going to be my year. My hard work for the previous years was finally going to pay off.

A mere three days into 2012 and I was in bed, unable to even make it down the stairs unaided. I have tried describing to friends and family, the ill feeling I had for much of this year, but most severely for January, February and March, but it's near on impossible. The best description I can give is it felt like my whole body was shutting down, I genuinely felt like I was dying. I had blurred vision, trembling hands, cold sweats, nausea, no energy whatsoever and the most horrible mental fear I have ever experienced in my life. I was constantly on edge worrying about what was wrong with me and why the doctors were so puzzled. After having an array of blood tests, ct scans, ultrasounds and physical exams all the medical profession had to go on was that my liver bloods were showing a malfunction of some sort, which they put down to a viral hepatits.

By April I had reached the end of my tether and started trying alternative therapies through a dear friend of mine who does Reiki. I also went to Plexus Bio Energy sessions with Michael O Doherty. All the therapists told me my immune system was on the floor and suggested I was suffering from exhaustion and a severe stress syndrome which affects your adrenal glands as well as having a viral hepatitis. Unlike the medical profession they were more willing to suggest ways to help me and were more willing to listen. Since then I have been taking some natural supplements and having regular sessions. My liver bloods are back to normal, much to my consultants and GP's surprise, and I am feeling 80% better. Just today I had another session with Michael O Doherty and he is pleased with my progression also. But none of this is my point or the objective of this piece.

For most of my 20's I idolised business leaders, especially homegrown ones. After writing letters to alot of them, some met with me, others fobbed me off. I glorified business and how it made the world turn. I became a cheerleader for capitalism, even more-so post the collapse of the economy (true capitalism would never have allowed the transfer of private debt to sovereign). I let friendships fall by the wayside and spent less time with my family, even my two beautiful Godsons and all because of my pursuit of my business dreams. I look back now after honestly believing I was at deaths door and think, what the hell was I thinking or doing? For as long as I live I will never forget a particular day sitting in a CUH waiting room in their nuclear department awaiting a CT scan and thinking to myself, "What have I done with my life? If I were to find out in the next few minutes that something terminal was wrong with me, what have I achieved?" It was quite a sobering thought to realise that I had done nothing of any purpose. I had not produced a life with a partner, one of my main goals in life is to have a family. I had not saved a life, changed a life, educated a life or protected a life. In fact all I had done, was forgotten about the people I love and those dearest to me in the race to increase the numbers visible to me when I stick a piece of plastic in a wall. 

For those who know me personally I would like to think they think I am a kind person, as I certainly believe I am, but even I was blinded by money. I wanted success and money more than anything in the world. I was willing to quite literally work myself into the ground to get there and for what? It is as if I was meant to get sick, someone wanted to snap me out of the bubble so many business people and professionals get wrapped up in. It is all so clear to me now that I feel lucky for being so sick. As corny as this may sound I believe I have got a fresh start. I will never neglect friendships or family ever again, quite the opposite, I intend on nurturing them. I have resigned myself to the fact that long term, business is just not for me. I want to help people more. The notion of protecting a life or saving a life or easing the pain in a life is a calling I simply cannot ignore anymore. I have realised what matters most. Life and Love is what matters most. I would urge everyone to think long and hard about what they do every day and how much it would change if you only had one day left. Life is for loving and living, not for shareholders and banks. I will never forget that again!

Comments

  1. So true D. Work to live, not live to work. Great piece.
    I didnt know you were sick :( glad to hear you're feeling better.
    X

    ReplyDelete

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